So, yesterday we got some harsh news. Justin, me, and the kids went to Gainseville to see the infertility specialist - Dr. Williams. We actually met with a resident first, Dr. Thorpe (a woman), then Dr. Williams (man). They said, after looking at the lab work sent by my doc here in Ocala, that it looked like I was ovulating some of the time. So, they said if I was ovulating while taking Clomid, but didn't get pregnant after 6 months, I probably won't. They don't like to have patients on Clomid longer than 6 months, usually, because it can enlarge your ovaries, and cause cysts to grow, blah, blah, blah. So the next option is to take a 'sample' from Justin for analysis, and do a hysterosalpingogram on me. It's basically a pelvic X-ray, but they inject dye into the cervix so they can see any blockages or problems in the uterus or tubes. Then if those tests are normal, start the hormone injections, with the every other day ultrasounds. They will combine it with IUI (intrauterine insemination). So as they follow the developing eggs over a period of days with the ultrasounds, and when they know for sure, that they're mature, then Justin will have to come with me for that visit so they can do the insemination in the office. Total cost per cycle: $2000!
I knew it was going to be expensive, but hearing it in person is overwhelming. I thought maybe I could subtract the 62% discount for being "self-pay", but that amount includes the discount. After that, I don't think I heard much of what else they said. I just wanted out of there. In my mind I was thinking, Justin must be FREAKING out. Then they asked him if he wanted to give his sample today or come back later. I whispered to him, 'It's okay you don't have to right now.' I felt so embarrassed for him, I didn't think they would do any testing on him until much later. But they explained that it's better to make sure the cause isn't something like low sperm count, before we spend a bunch of money on meds, that won't be successful if that's the problem. I couldn't even look at Justin though, because I was so afraid his eyes would say, "We can't do this." I was not prepared for how all this would effect me. Seriously, if there was a hole I could have crawled in and died, I would have. After the docs had given us all the info, they wanted to do some bloodwork to make sure I didn't have any STD's (yeah, that's why I can't get pregnant!) and a quick pelvic exam, to see if he could feel anything abnormal. I barely got out in the hallway and into the other room, and I just started crying. The woman doc asked what was wrong, was it the money? I was like, um, yeah - it's very overwhelming. So $320 later, we left.
We had an hour to kill at Lisa's house (my friend whose preggo with twin boys) until the boys' dentist appointment. Justin napped in the truck while I waited in the dentist's office. Not his wisest move! We still haven't really talked about what was said at the visit. But I have come to a few consclusions.
#1) I don't want to 'try' to get pregnant for a few months.
#2) I want to try the Clomid again, because if it was working to make me ovualte, we may have not gotten pregnant because they told us to 'do it' too early in my cycle. I called Dr. Johnson's office (my Ocala doc) to ask him some questions and the rececptionist wants to field all my questions thru the office RN. So I have to wait for her to call me back tomorrow. I may have to just make an appointment to see him face to face.
#3) There are areas in my life I have been neglecting, so I plan to focus on them awhile. Maybe I'll get around to cleaning the office!
I hate things being up in the air, I so hated having to work today, (especially working in OB/GYN) because it was all I thought about. And I know some of my friends knew I had this appointment coming up, but I just can't bring myself to tell the story over and over again. Justin's parents were the only ones I called last night. I have had 2 children for goodness sake! I refuse to believe I need such extensive medical intervention to have another baby.
Lord, help me to be humble, and patient, and grateful for the blessings I already have.
3 comments:
Aimee, the last sentence of your post is the most important. Pray to Heavenly Father, then trust Him and let him take care of it, even if the answer is "not now". It doesn't mean no just because it isn't "now". Also, I don't believe that thing with if you didn't get pregnant while on the clomid that it won't happen. It took us over a year more than once with no success. We love you sweetheart!
Oh, goodness, Aimee! This is such a big project. After having 2 babies, you would never have expected to go through this trial! I'm so sorry. That bit about getting other parts of life in order--I needed to hear that. I'm not referring to my messy house (although that would be a good place to start!) More like needing to work on my marriage, helping my kids, and HUGE things like that. Thanks for sharing. I'm inspired. And I know you will find peace in your faith.
I was hoping to see an update. I read this post right after you wrote it but wasn't sure what to say. I hope you are doing well. I know this must be hard.
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