3D Ultrasound

On Thursday night (11/21)I got off work a little early and came home and was able to visit with Justin's parents for a little while before bed. They had driven all day from TN, and had gotten to FL about 8pm. Mom was even able to feel the baby kick a few times. Mom had brought a cute green Bumbo seat with tray that looked brand new, and a brown and white crib sheet & Bumper, and a bag of maternity shirts from Julie. She even made a burper out of a cloth diaper that was accented with FL Gator fabric. Yesterday (11/22) started out so wonderful. It was the best day ever... I had to get up early to go to an awards breakfast at work to honor people for either 5 or 10 years of service. April of this year, marked my 10 years of service. Justin had a early doctor appointment anyway, so he took Cody to school for me, since I had to be at work at 7:30am. The breakfast was held in the Auxillary building, and the food was great. I wish the cafeteria made cheesy scrambled eggs like that all the time. Nancy Brett, my manager was there, as well as Ellen Prosser, the director over the Maternity, Women's Surgery, L & D, and Nursery units. Also, Mireya, and Liz were there to be awarded for 5 years of service, both are techs like me. Paul Clark the Vice President, lead the event. For some reason they did the 10 years awards first, and the went in alphabetical order by first name instead of last name. I was second on the list, but the person ahead of me, didn't attend the breakfast, so I was the first one called up to get my award. After I shook Paul's hand and returned to my seat, I looked at the small, blue pin (that you can wear on your shirt) and the envelope he had handed me. I had expected it to be a formal letter thanking me for my service. I hadn't attended the 5 year breakfast, but I remember getting the small, red pin at some point. I really only attended this time, because I knew Liz and Mireya would be there, and because MRMC will eventually be bought out by a new company and we all lose our seniority, so I may never have another chance to receive such award or recognition. I was completely surprised when I opened the envelope to find a $100 Visa Card inside. How awesome!!! That would pay for 3D ultrasound completely, I was so excited. The 5 year awardees, got $25. I called Justin on the way home and told him. When I got home, Mom and Dad were still asleep, so I went ahead and made myself ride my bike around the neighborhood. It was still overcast and a little cool, and I had just enough time before I needed to pickup Cameron from school, and take him to the doctor. As I finished my laps and headed home, I passed by a yard sale at the far end of our street. They were selling a 2-speed baby swing for $4. She assured me it worked and she'd used it recently, so I took a chance and gave her $5 for it. Even after I buy batteries, I'll only be invested about $10-$12 if it doesn't work. If it works, its a great deal! I hurried off to get Cameron, and get him to the dr appointment on time. He's been having a sore throat on/off for almost a week, since he camped out on a cold rainy night, last weekend. He's also losing his voice and very congested in his chest and nasally. Dr. Velez said it's a virus, but prescribed a cough medicine Bromed, that has a decongestant, and antihistamine. I pick up Cody around noon from his school and let him come home early. He was already in the lunch line, so he got his food (pizza) and hopped in the car with his lunch tray! He was pretty excited! We got home and waited for Justin to come home from work early so we could all go to lunch. We wound up going to Zaxby's which was yummy. Justin and Cameron split off after and went to get haircuts. Just before lunch, I called my dad to remind him that the U/S was at 4:30p. He acted like he didn't know he was supposed to go, and thought that I was just going to show him pictures on my phone. Which is ridiculous because I told him all about it weeks ago, told him the location, and that he would need to bring Nanny with him since he'd already be at her house, and that Mark & Angie would be meeting us there too. When I reminded him of the details, he said he was feeling sick, so he'd let me know later if he felt up to coming. He mentioned Angie had taken Nanny to the gym, so I decided I'd better call her, and make sure she remembered. Angie said she was definitely coming, and agreed that my dad was supposed to bring Nanny. She said if Nanny still wanted to go, she'd make sure she got there. I had texted Julie to thank her for the maternity clothes. She replied, "You gonna let my mom and dad see the gender on the U/S today?!?! They would love that:):)" I said replied, "I guess so. I don't care anymore, at the end I'll let her show anyone who wants to see. As long as I don't find out or I'll be pissed." She said, " They will love that!" I had talked with Justin a few nights ago, and mentioned maybe letting the sonographer take a 3D picture of the baby parts, that I could put in the baby book later, and he could put it with the sealed envelope. Justin mentioned again about all he people that wanted to know, so they could give me stuff, especially his mom, and Belle. So I thought I had thought things thru completely, and I just wouldn't look when she showed baby parts were on the screen, and as long as no one told me, I'd be fine. So about 30 minutes before our appointment my dad calls to say he isn't going to come, because his neck hurts and he's had a headache. But don't worry, he'll see the video sometime. Like that just makes up for him not being there. I felt like saying, "No you won't see it, unless I choose to show it to you. Maybe I don't feel like making the effort to bring it to you, since you couldn't make the effort to come in the first place." He's missed so many things my whole life, because he blamed the hours he worked at the railroad. Well he's retired now. Now his favorite excuse is, "I don't feel good." Justin's parents drove 650 miles to be here. I'm sure if they had a raging migraine, they wouldn't have missed it. I could've even let crazy Sally come, if I'd known he wasn't going to be there. So we get to the appointment, and Angie & Nanny were there right on time. Mark was still at work, so he couldn't make it. We go back and everyone settled in for the show. I began by telling her that I still didn't want to know, and that we hadn't opened the envelope. But that every else wants to know, so at the end, could she print out a picture of the "parts." She asked if I wanted her to announce it, I said no. She asked if I wanted her to confirm in some way, what they were seeing, like writing it on the photo. I said that would be ok. She warned that with this many people, it would be hard for them to keep it a secret.... I mentioned that they all knew they better not slip up, what I didn't think to mention was, for the group to be sure they stayed quiet when she showed them, and not make a reaction, that I'd be able to interpret. The baby looked so much more defined than the 3D pictures just 3 weeks ago. We could clearly see it's eyelids, and that they are still fused together. The ears, nose, and mouth all look perfect, and Lucy mentioned that the profile of the face/nose looks perfect which makes it unlikely that there are chromosomal abnormalities. The baby had its hands in front its face a lot of the time. Sometimes it even made a grumpy face, like it was saying "Leave me alone people." Angie asked how big it was, and Lucy began taking her measurements. She said since I'm 22 weeks, so its about 22cm, which is about 10" long. She measured head circumference and femur bone length, and said it was 1 pound 2 oz. Right on schedule. Then she told me to look away and she showed them the gender. Cody said, "Oh..." and kind of sighed, which made me think, it's a boy, since I know he was excited to have a sister. I said, "I hope you are all happy now!!!" She went on to show us more pictures of the face, and tell us how perfect it is! We came home and I kept thinking about it being a boy, it seemed to me that they only referred to the baby as "He/him" since we left the U/S. Later that evening we went to Home Depot to get screws, and painting supplies for the cradle. Then we went to dinner at Ruby Tuesday's. After dinner I had the kids ride home with Mom and Dad in their car, so I could talk to Justin alone. I got in the truck and just starting crying, telling him I was sad because I think it's a boy, because of Cody's reaction. He asked what he could do to help me not be sad. I told him nothing, because anything he says, will just confirm things one way or another. I asked him where the photo was of the "parts" and he said in a 'safe place'. I told him, I will probably have to just look at them now, because I feel like I know, and I will unconsciously just read into everything anyones says for the next 4 months. He said he wasn't trying to persuade me about what to do, but he thought it might be best if I opened it soon in case someone slipped up. He felt it would likely be one of the kids, if they called it 'he' or 'she' one day, and then thought they slipped up and went 'oops', then I would know right then, and it would be by accident. And he didn't want me to be resentful towards the boys. And I don't either. He also said it wouldn't be good for me to be stressed out for the next few months trying read into things or deciding if I wanted to know or not. He said we could go some where special, just he and I, and open the envelope and look at the picture together, and it would still be a special time for us, to sit and talk about the baby, and give it a name, and think about it as the person it was going to be in our family. I told him I needed to think about it a little longer, before I decide if I wanted to do that. I told him I was sorry for being upset, and I felt so guilty. Six months ago, I would've given anything to be pregnant, and never thought in a million years I would care if it was boy or a girl. Turns out the heart wants what the heart wants. Justin said I didn't have apologize for how I felt, that you can't help how you feel. I told him I knew we had much to be thankful for, that the baby seems healthy, and we've waited so long for this special time. I can't imagine how frustrated Heavenly Father is with me, that I don't seem satisfied with the generous blessing he has given me. But I felt better having talked to Justin about things, and that he loved and understood me, despite how hormonal, emotional, and illogical I'm sure I sounded. I tried to apologize to Heavenly in my prayers last night, for my ingratitude, and asked that my heart would be softened to accept whatever was to be. That I would be able to trust in his wisdom, and timing, that he knows the best thing for me. I woke up about 5:30am to go pee, and when I got back in bed the baby was kicking and moving around a lot, which was unusual. I started thinking about the baby, and just started crying again at the situation. I couldn't believe I had put other's desires to know, above my own joy and excitement at not knowing. I pretty much decided at that point I needed to open to envelope, and just make peace, and find happiness in whatever it says.